Recovery Ninja Rachel - Here is the interview I did with Mashable on recovery and my eating disorder. http://mashable.com/2013/12/05/thinspiration/ *Trigger Warning* please note there are references to pro-Ana and thinspiration
TATTOO THIS ON YOUR BRAIN
- Daily reminder: if I act on what my eating disorder tells me to do I will die.
Recovery is everything I imagined and more. I never thought I’d be how I am today - I eat all anorexia’s ‘forbidden foods’; I never count calories or check the fat content of foods; I eat whenever and whatever I want; I am not dictated by clothes size; I wear clothes that flatter and show off my shape; I have boobs; I live life to the full & enjoy new experiences; I’m not ashamed of the fact I used to have an eating disorder - it has shaped me into the person I am today, and recovering has helped me to make amazing friends and given me amazing opportunities. Anorexia does not control me. I will ALWAYS speak out about my eating disorder as how else will people know how absolutely amazingly awesome recovery is!!!!!
Try not to think of recovery as a race. There is no time limit. Go and your own pace; what feels right for you. Sadly there is no magic formula but recovery is possible! I would say I am almost at the end of my recovery journey and I honestly hope to celebrate this every day
I did used to hate my body. I wanted to be invisible so no one could see how horrible I was. I used to want to cut the ‘fat’ off my body. Through recovery I have learned to love my body. I know it is not who I am. I am my personality, my ambitions, my dreams etc. but I do LOVE my body and I don’t care who knows it! I ADORE having curves now. I like my long legs and show them off in short dresses. I wear fitted clothes. I wear my bikini with joy. I like having a waist, hips and most importantly to me - boobs!! I promise you will all love your body too.
Even when I was at my target weight, I was still not living as I was still in the depths of my anorexia I could not stay out late as I had to be home for supper; I didn’t have the energy to do everything I wanted; I still relied on my mam to make me eat. I lived half a life. Now I am recovered I can ANYTHING I want. I have lived in France & Australia; I go out partying; I eat out at restaurants; I try new things and I love strawberry laces
the reasons I am so open about being a recovered anorexic and self harmer are to raise awareness, show people that recovery is possible and support people. For every person who has something negative to say, I receive more comments that by being honest I have helped people. This means more to me than anything. If I can inspire people and maybe one day have helped someone not give up and choose to recover then it will make everything I went through mean something.
the reality is: there really is a life after an eating disorder and it is amazing. Yes, I may still have ups and downs but that is part of normal life. And the quote is true - my worse days in recovery were way better than anything my eating disorder gave me. Now I laugh; I take the time to appreciate myself and things in my life; I am starting to like what I see in the mirro…r and believe in myself; I eat when I like and what I like - I especially love strawberry laces and ice cream!; I wake up in the morning happy and ready to face the world sometimes still sleepy but I don’t dread a day of meal plans and anorexia screaming at me all day long; instead I can breathe, relax and enjoy my life. I have a degree and a MA; I am currently training to be a therapist so I can help people like me; I have wonderful friends and am dating an amazing guy; I have travelled and lived in different countries; I have experienced so much in my life that anorexia would never have given me. There is a life after an eating disorder and it is fab!
I realised the other day that I am actually proud of myself for surviving. I not only survived anorexia I have recovered. I have also survived other things since I recovered; things that could have sent me backwards and made me relapse. But I didn’t relapse once. It’s a massive achievement for me to recognise how strong a person I am 😊