Throughout college, I was known as ‘anorexic Rachel’; it emphasised even more to me that I was no one without my eating disorder. Most people in my home town knew me as the girl with the eating disorder and would talk about me behind my back. But now I am recovered I KNOW I am someone without anorexia. I am Rachel. Looking at me now you would never know I had had an eating disorder; even though my friends know I had anorexia that is not who they see me as. They see me as Rach; who is so much more than a recovered anorexic :)
Recovery is everything I imagined and more. I never thought I’d be how I am today - I eat all anorexia’s ‘forbidden foods’; I never count calories or check the fat content of foods; I eat whenever and whatever I want; …I am not dictated by clothes size; I wear clothes that flatter and show off my shape; I have boobs; I live life to the full & enjoy new experiences; I’m not ashamed of the fact I used to have an eating disorder - it has shaped me into the person I am today, and recovering has helped me to make amazing friends and given me amazing opportunities. Anorexia does not control me. I will ALWAYS speak out about my eating disorder as how else will people know how absolutely amazingly awesome recovery is!!!!!
Last year feeling free was the best thing - it isn’t just feeling free from my ex boyfriend (who I cut all ties with!) but it is feeling free from my eating disorder. Sometimes it feels like an entirely different life that I struggled with anorexia; my life is so different from the days consumed by guilt, shame, hatred, calories and the struggle to just be. Now I can do whatever I want; whenever I want. NOW THAT IS WAY BETTER THAN BEING SKINNY :)
I still feel like this. I’m still scared of love. I don’t want to be hurt again
If you think you need to be “skinny”, watch this.
I think I’m going to just watch this everyday and keep trying not to cry.
If you haven’t, watch this. It is so moving. <3
I don’t even care if this is in color, you have no idea how hard I cried.
This is not black and white and I don’t care brb bawling my eyes out omg ;-; ♡
To all the girls AND the boys. You are enough.
I really wish I could’ve shown this to my mom a couple of years back when she was forcing me to go to LA weight loss and Curves when I was 12. I AM enough.
Elijah. You are an angel. I love you.